The Journal

Life revision.

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:09:03 GMT

For the time being, Kelly and I are no longer dating.

In all likelihood I am a terrible person. For those keeping track, this might be vindication.

Does anyone else ever feel like they need time to feel absolutely alone just so that they will then be able to tell what they miss most?

I feel like my friendships are all getting weaker. I feel like I'm slipping away from everyone else, and I'm the only person slipping.

Ecco practice for Friday has been canceled. I'd love to have Rokitansky practice, it might allow me not to think that all the time I spend with people in College Park is a complete waste of energy. Come next year,, the Rokitansky/Gas Satori split will happen so that for ONCE I can feel excited. Genuine excitement, instead of that feeling similar to treading water.

Big fucking deal. I'm not a member of the circle anymore. I spent my first year of college feeling lonely, but this is something different I think. This feels more inevitable.

I hope that time off will bring me back to where I was in the past. I really do. I don't want to make any promises though.

I read an article on the differences in male and female brains, and males have a tendency towards attempting to order information systematically. I think my problem is approaching problems that logic and rationality can't solve and allowing myself to get frustrated with how little sense things make in the end.

People feel awkward talking with me, don't they? Am I too serious?

List

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:29:00 GMT

Things to start doing:

-Put the Candiru recordings onto my computer. Create a good mix for them.
-Think about what having something I can be proud of means to me, not to others. This'll be good for my optimism.
-Stop getting angry, disgusted, disappointed, or standoffish at the drop of a hat. Recognize extenuating circumstances, factors outside of my own conscious.
-Allow myself to be happy without thinking about things too much. This will only lead to me creating problems that don't exist, or hadn't previously existed.
-Give myself time to cool off and think rationally before I vocalize complaints. Take advantage of time by myself.

Things to do more often: Read, write, run.

Damn.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:52:48 GMT

How the fuck have I allowed selfish people to make me feel like I'm doing a bad thing?

God damn, I'm tired of everything. Last night was so much fun, seeing the Orioles and hanging out with friends until I have to find out that its my fault that punk and live music is dying.

I hate last minute plans, and I hate feeling like I'm unprepared. But worst of all, I hate having other people's disappointments thrust on me like I'm sort of terrible person for wanting to have a couple Ecco practices dedicated to what we'd play at our first show, and a couple of Lotus Fucker practices so I can actually memorize the parts. Only a selfish blowhard could think I'm doing something wrong, and yet I still feel terrible about it. I felt unprepared, what an insane, inconsiderate thought. Every time something like this happens I come closer and closer to feeling like I should just give up.

Here's a kicker, though. The whole time, Dan was arguing as to why Ecco should be ready to play the show. Ecco isn't even his fucking band, I know he was just trying to persuade me to play so that Lotus Fucker could play too and he could have his moment in the punk sun. Despite the fact that I wouldn't have wanted Lotus Fucker to play anyway, I've practiced only twice and didn't have the set memorized the second time.

It has probably been over a year and a half since I've actually enjoyed playing a live show. I want that feeling back again, but I know for certain that tonight would not have been that night.

What does everyone want me to do? I know what I want to do: quit making music with other people so I don't have to deal with their completely false visions of success.

Thinking about it makes me angry. I'll cool down and maybe be more articulate later.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:43:51 GMT

I really hate feeling like I don't fit it in with my own group of friends. To feel like an outcast with the people that I've consciously chosen to be associated with is something I'm frequently experiencing this summer. I don't know what to do about it.

Frustration

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:02:47 GMT

Last night started out like shit. I was visibly angry, though I think I cooled down after the night was over.

Every single time the Poptarts have a show, something makes me not want to be there. Whether it be the fact that I no longer enjoy sitting with my circle of friends and talking, the fact that instead of helping us unload Bryan Channas went and got high, even though he knew that I was annoyed at the fact that he doesn't help out and I gave him shit for trying to get high before the last show because he still hasn't made it through a performance without an egregious error, or the fact that we had to play last at around 9:45 which almost got in the way of my perfect plans to get Little Caesar's afterwards.

I'm tired of being involved in a project where screwing up is greeted with laughter. I was in the AAGLG, that is over. Last night I felt close to quitting every band I'm in except the one with Mike just because I didn't want to have to deal with the fact that I can't make sure every single little aspect of making music goes the way I want it to when I'm dealing with a group of people, of which I'm the least important piece. Of course, I thought that during the height of my anger, just before Kelly came walking after me to keep me company when I left the clubhouse for awhile, and I cooled down and was in better spirits afterwards. But I really do feel like a band by myself or with one other person is so much easier to handle because you don't have to try to reign in everyone's personalities and music tastes in an attempt to make something coherent.

Choosing making music as one of my passions opens myself up to a lot of frustrations, I feel like. But I love doing it still, so I don't think I'd stop. I just need to start a pop band now.

Love,
Kenny

There is hope.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:03:58 GMT

I have found the greatest headline for a news article I think I've seen in a long time:

"Teen was High When Mauled by Tiger"

Discuss.

And life.

Sat, 31 May 2008 16:20:26 GMT

Fuck summer. I hate this season more than pretty much anything.

I went to a show on Monday. xbrainiax are awesome. I went to a show on Thursday too, Tarpit is awesome and their new song Stegosaurus (they played it in Philly too) is so good.

The Poptarts played a show last night.

I am absolutely sick of everything about Severna Park. I hate it. I enjoy being with Kelly, S, Dumpy, and Mike when he's around (which should be more often. I have an idea for a song which I will try to work on soon), or having band practice, but other than that I just like to be by myself. Its as if the social life I had in high school has been warped into something I don't want anymore. I think I deluded myself into thinking I had more than a couple good friends, and its becoming more and more obvious.

And another thing. I like being in the Poptarts because we are fun, but I still have a huge disdain for bands that don't in some way take themselves seriously, even if they are seriously trying to joke around. And I hate laziness, sloppiness, and the fact that simple things like unloading equipment and setting up amps aren't shared by the entire band. I've been guilty of that in the past but I think its pretty dumb.

I don't know about a lot of things anymore. I think the reason I always sink into bad moods over the summer is because I am surrounded by everyone now, instead of the few people willing to make time to hang out with me during the school year. I've really come to dislike my group of friends, except those aforementioned and those not in Severna Park.

Nobody cares. About anything. I feel like everyone else would be perfectly content to live the rest of their lives sleeping, being in lazy bands, smoking pot, benching trains, working jobs, and embodying whatever concept of counter-culture they have in their heads that is undoubtedly just the product of some sort of acculturation. I mean, am I the only person who thinks that maybe the reason we think some things are rebellious and different is because we've been told that they are rebellious and different.

In conclusion, I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm the only person who cares about doing something worthwhile, about working hard, about doing the little things in life correctly and carefully, in maintaining my self-image and self-respect, and about having real conversations that don't devolve into stories about revelry that I can't contribute to or lame, repeated jokes about how "really my Perrier has vodka in it, wouldn't that be funny?". I mean, I realize that straight edge is a joke to just about everyone I know and that no one takes it seriously, but I've come to consider being drug free very important. And even if its just a replacement religion for me, it gives me a way to look at myself and not be disappointed. I think that might be the reason I've been straight edge, so I can look at myself and think that I'm working towards being smarter, more disciplined, and just all around better. Maybe I'm just too defensive by being annoyed by jokes and insults regarding my choices, in part because it seems like everyone made the same ones in high school but now its only me who considers it important. Although, to be fair, I do make fun of how stupid people become when they are high, though I do it behind their backs. Yeah, ok, I'm a jerk and this rant maybe just folds in on itself.

Its summer, things bother me, the end.

List

Mon, 12 May 2008 18:35:34 GMT

Things I need to buy over the summer or whenever I can, I hate having such lists:

1. Replacements for my back two tires. The possibility of dry rot is very real.

2. A head for my bass drum. Somebody who plays on my drums at Kris's house broke through mine and did not offer to replace it, which kind of pissed me off because every time I've replaced that head (its about $50 to replace) its been after someone else broke it.

3. A new guitar to replace my stolen one. I'm looking somewhere in the $200-400 range. I'm at the point where I pretty much refuse to buy anything other than a black, gray, or white guitar.

4. Cymbals. Of all kinds. I need my own cymbals because I'm not satisfied with anyone else's, except those high hats that are at Kris's house, I'm assuming they are Sean's?

5. Eventually in the future, a guitar head and cab.

This all in addition to money spent on going to Utah, and gas. I think its going to take awhile to get this stuff. The common theme is I'm tired of using everyone else's stuff. My drums are the closest things to my own.

Something that needs to be played more often: Star Wars Risk.

I'm incredibly tired of school. Every extra day I spend here feels like an eternity.

No real news.

Findings.

Thu, 08 May 2008 00:12:56 GMT

While rustling around looking for a funnel in my car, I found my long lost "A Dead Sinking Story" CD. The case is beat up, but the CD looks pretty fine and the first song played through no problems.

The best thing about Envy on this album? Absolutely no dicking around, no meandering, no experimenting. Perfectly straight forward, and it works so well. Plus, its recorded very well, it sounds clean and heavy and powerful in all the parts that it needs to.

I got some fried wontons from a nearby Chinese food place and bought some of their "homemade" iced tea. Its so perfect, mainly because it is sweetened beyond normal conventions.

School outlook: I have a five page paper due tomorrow. I have my philosophy paper due next Tuesday. I have my Economics final and my philosophy final due on Friday. I have my Vietnam final on the following Tuesday. I have my Renaissance art final due that last Wednesday, the 21st.

I'm tired of being here.

Love,
Kenny

Things.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:04:06 GMT

Mike and I are going to start a two-man, 4-track power violence band, primarily recorded with occasional live shows. At least, that is the plan, its mostly going to be a recorded project using the 4-track to record multiple instruments separately. I think it'll be a lot of fun, I hope we can get a nice sound out of it, and it'll be a great way to spend time over the summer. Looking forward to it.

This Saturday Bryan and I are going to head up to Philadelphia to watch Tarpit's CD release show. I'm thinking about giving myself a three day weekend, depending on how I feel later in the week.

Love,
Kenny

Regression.

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:05:34 GMT

In the absolute rage I was feeling while writing my last friends-only entry, I forgot to mention that I did get the new Endless Blockade album in the mail, and it is awesome. Seriously, one of the few bands keeping me from discarding punk as a finished chapter in my life. Primitive is absolutely brutal, starting with the opening riff. The Stain and Like Partridges are probably my two favorite tracks, but honestly who cares? The whole thing is great. The noise track with the vocals about religion could have been done better, but the rest of the noise on the album is done very tastefully. Ultimately I put it still a little below the Sexless//No Sex LP, because Iron Lung is just a little bit more rewarding for me to listen to (a lot more for me to take in, I like their theme better, and their guitarist's riffs are completely off-the-wall while remaining completely brutal and straightforward, if thats understandable), but the Endless Blockade is easily one of the best bands going right now. And they're playing in Baltimore on May 19th. I'm excited.

I've been listening to a lot of different music. Swans, Death in June, Killing Joke, Blondie, Pat Benatar, and Weezer have been very prominent over the last two weeks, with a little bit of 90's alt rock hits via the Buzz Cuts CD I downloaded thrown in for laughs.

I'm tired of the school year, I felt like I was close to having an anxiety attack last night as I stepped outside and realized I was short of breath and nervous for no reason, just thinking over and over again about how much I don't want to be here. There isn't too much time left, but I'm going crazy. Fortunately, as soon as school lets out things will be awesome for a little while, unless I slip into the summer mini-depression I've fallen into each of the past three Augusts. Bah, who cares, June is going to be great. Kelly and I are taking a trip out to Utah as soon as she gets out of school.

Ecco is going pretty good, we've got our two songs down pretty well. We just need to work on vocals, lyrics, cool riffs, and eventually shows.

Important thing to do:
Go to an O's game, preferably with S and Bryan Channas and anyone else who wants to come. Let's do this, I want to go to some baseball games and I need people to go with me! Come on people, there are only two good things about summer: no school and baseball!

Love,
Kenny

I can't stop laughing at this.

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:37:11 GMT

The look in Bush's face as he gives the name is incredibly hilarious to me for some reason. I think I could watch this forever.

Survey.

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:28:03 GMT

1) Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out?
Eh, there are a few things I keep from people.

2)Have you ever been punched by someone of the opposite sex?
Yes.

3) Do you like Jack and Coke?
No. I just like Coke.

4) Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with an A?
No.

5) What color are the walls in your room?
White.

6) What is the nicest thing you own that’s not a vehicle?
Laptop or drum set.

7) Who is your favorite stand-up comedian?
Brian Regan.

8) You're at a friend's to watch a movie, and you get to choose the movie genre?
Either Comedy or cool action sci-fi fantasy movie.

9) Are you falling for anyone?
Fallen.

10) Can you cook harder things then spaghetti, pancakes, and macaroni and cheese?
Hm, not really.

11) What is your favorite game system?
XBox, and the 360 I suppose.

13) Pick a job:
Being a member of Team KS is a full time job.

14) Are you addicted to myspace?
No.

15) ???
Yes.

16) Do you know anyone that is currently locked up?
No.

17) Have you ever had a threesome?
No, dumb.

18) What is your favorite soda?
Coke.

19) have u ever dated someone longer then a year?
Yes.

20) What tv channels do you watch the most?
TBS, Comedy Central, soon to be MASN and ESPN.

21) If you could be anywhere right now where would it?
Probably with Kelly watching a movie.

22) You're with a group of people and a couple of them start laughing about?
Their own inadequacies as compared to Team KS.

23) What is your favorite chocolate bar?
Three Musketeers maybe.

24) Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
No.

25) Do you really care about saving the planet?
In all honesty, only barely.

26) What do you think about the current gas prices?
Eh, I don't know the intricacies of the oil economy enough, so I don't really care. I suppose its going to be annoying.

27) You just won a free trip to one of these four places: London, Tokyo, Brazil or germany?
Germany.

28) Last time you went to the mall?
Borders to buy Hell in a Very Small Place.

29) Have you ever been in trouble with the police?
No.

30) Have you ever told someone you were single when you really weren’t?
No.

31) Do you think you look better hair down or up?
Irrelevant.

32) How many jobs do you have?
One.

33) If you had a sex tape and someone offered you 3 million dollars to sell it to them would you?
For 3 million dollars? I'd have to confer with my partner first, but that is a lot of money.

34) When you eat starburst do you eat the red and pink ones first?
No, I eat them all in order.

35) Do you tend to think logically or listen to your heart?
I tend to think logically.

36) What was the worst thing that happened to you today?
Not remembering the song that was in my dream.

37) Has this year been good so far?
It has been good to me.

38) Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out?
No.

39) How long does it take you to get ready?
If I don't have to shower, just as long as it takes to get my pants on.

41) Do you know a lot about cars?
No.

42) What is your favorite childhood board game?
I don't know what is considered childhood.

43) Do you change best friends a lot?
No.

44) Do you think that you’re a good person?
Biased question with a biased answer, no matter what I answer.

45) Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight?
No.

48) What are your plans for the future?
Go to class.

50) Where's your boyfriend/girlfriend?
School.

Whatever.

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:49:43 GMT

Things happen.

The baseball season has started. The Mets are 1-0, the Nationals are 2-0, and the Orioles are 0-1. I'm trying to keep up on the Orioles this season but lets be honest. They'll finish somewhere between 3rd and 5th. I'd be surprised if they got 3rd in all honesty, though I guess its possible, though they sure as hell aren't finishing above either Boston or New York. People are predicting Tampa is going to rise above last and Baltimore is going to take their place, we'll see. They're pitching looks pretty shitty, and Adam Jones is more of a future talent. Brian Roberts is solid, but beyond him they don't really have any great players.

The Mets, however, I think should take 1st place in the NL East. Johan Santana was incredibly solid yesterday, so if he lives up to his potential, and Martinez puts together a decent season then their pitching is in great shape. Jose Reyes and David Wright are only going to get better assuming things progress as they should. Hopefully Carlos Beltran won't be a total dud. And really, who else is in the NL East? The Nats actually looked pretty good in their first two games, the Braves will probably be ok, they always are. The Phillies and the Marlins rarely get above average, though the Phillies might put up a little bit of a fight.

Ok, enough about baseball I suppose. I finally got a paycheck, immediately spent most of it on gas, ink for my printer, and the new Endless Blockade album (and shirt, which in retrospect could have waited until next check, but I'm impatient). I've got a tax return and I think another paycheck this week coming, so gas won't be a problem. The return isn't much because I only worked three months last year, but thats not a big deal.

Work's ok. I'm slowly getting over the jitters that I always get when I'm at a new place with new people. I get uncomfortable when I'm not entirely familiar with procedures and what to do and where to go and how to answer questions, but I don't think it'll be too difficult to get accustomed. Gov docs work is pretty straightforward, and working at the desk is pretty much just an exercise in sitting around for a few hours, occasionally answering a question or whatever.

Kelly came and visited me yesterday, and Friday (assuming its not raining, which would suck) we are going to Patapsco, maybe walk around some of the trails. Followed hopefully by Beijing and then a watching a movie, that would make the evening very perfect for me. Band practice Saturday, Ecco has been going pretty well. We have two songs written, and have begun the process of creating lyrics. Its still undetermined when we'll all feel comfortable enough to start playing shows, but we should definitely give it time so that we are fully prepared.

I don't think I really have much more to say.

Love,
Kenny

A bit of the ridiculous.

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:17:23 GMT

So, I once tried to get myself an email address from Catholic.org, so that I could make a Priest Killer myspace with the email address of priestkiller@catholic.org. Anyway, ever since then, I've been getting spam emails from them. Here's an excerpt from the latest:

"...Fr. Ronald Knox explains how
in a remarkable little book,
The Church on Earth, which we
published a couple of years ago.

There he notes that, unlike the
Protestant churches, the Catholic Church
is not a system that men, after prayer and deliberation, devised as the best scheme they could think of for perpetuating
the work of their Master, Jesus.

On the contrary,
the Catholic Church is directly God's handiwork: in the New Testament
Jesus Himself instituted the Sacraments and established the Church,
placing Peter at its head.

Since God Himself established our Church, we must believe that it is perfectly designed to lead souls to perfection;
and that it does so when they abide
by Her teachings and partake
of the graces She affords them."

Its one thing to believe in God, even as an atheist I have no problems with theism. However, blatant historical fallacy is just inexcusable. I mean, there is historical proof that Jesus didn't create Peter as the first Pope of the Catholic Church as we know it today. Peter was actually the first bishop of Rome, and the church today is nothing like it was in the early hundreds B.C. That excerpt is just flat out wrong, the Catholic Church as we know it did not come from Jesus or from a god, it was established hundreds of years later. Bullshit like that gets on my nerves and I can't understand how people can even believe themselves when they talk as such.

Anyways, Shawn leaves tomorrow, and you know what that means. The population of cool people in Maryland is going to decrease by 50%. I can't believe spring break ends tomorrow.

Etc, etc.

Love,
Kenny

Survey.

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:34:00 GMT

Oh yeah, forgot to mention this in the last entry. That movie Juno sucked, I didn't like it at all. The main character was irritating, all of the music references and soundtrack songs were terrible (except the Melvins and the Stooges being referenced, its a shame a shitty character like Juno had to be the one who liked the Stooges), the romance with Michael Cera wasn't pronounced enough, etc. etc. etc. The only character I truly liked was Juno's dad, who only had a small role. In conclusion, if you are an indie kid you will find yourself masturbating during this movie. If you are not, you shouldn't enjoy it.

Here's a survey I did. Read through it.

50 questions for the people who are a little older....

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
I'm living and going to school for free, be jealous motherfuckers.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Beijing is as romantic as I get.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Not at all.

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be ?
One thing? Probably nothing, trying to fix things would be overwhelmingly complex.

5. What do you want to be doing right now?
I want to be going back to Severna Park to see Kelly, or going to College Park for band practice. In time, just not today.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Police officer, baseball player, musician.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
One.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Close to the top of my basket, and I haven't worn it in a bit.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
They are high, little else beyond that. I don't understand the economics of gas pricing, and don't try to.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
New England, and I'd take Kelly with me. And anyone else who'd want to go, we could live just a bit outside of town and hole ourselves up and write music and have jobs in town to fund everything, and every so often make a trip to the nearest city to see a show or something, and go hiking, and no one would care that I spent time alone.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Snooze.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I should study for Moral Philosophy before my test.

14. Do you miss being a child?
No.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
I'm very lazy, so most.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Probably not.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Lately, getting up early.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Cartman.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl?
Lay down on the couch and watch movies.

21. Have you found real love yet?
Ok, I don't like these questions because it implies there is a difference between real love and other kinds of love, the unreal kinds. I have a girlfriend who I've wanted to be around every day for the past year, who I've never tired of and who makes me want to be better just so I don't feel outclassed and just so she doesn't tire of me. The "Am I in love?" questions are irrelevant, because I am happy and wouldn't choose anything else. Love isn't universal, its subjective, true love and real love are objective concepts.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
I'm not old enough, I'm tired of youth in every aspect except physical.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Ham.

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
I don't go into Wal-Mart.

26. Beach or lake?
Both have their appeal, lakes are calmer and in nicer settings though.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I'm not sure about marriage, but I do not think monogamy is an outdated concept, and for those with religious beliefs I think marriage is perfectly fine.

28. Do you own property?
No.

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
Hm, maybe sex. Or popular 80's music. Or Pokemon.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I'm proud of my movie likes.

31. What's your drink?
Coke.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Cowboys.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Cops.

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Eh, most people from high school sucked, what a shitty time.

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Standby mode.

36. Norm or Cliff?
Norm MacDonald. I don't know what this question is asking though.

37. Grey's or 'The Office?
The Office, I suppose. Just because I hate Grey's Anatomy.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Not a relationship mistake, a personality mistake. I'm not a very good person.

39. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
I don't really sit somewhere at work, unless you are referring to the librarian, and I've only worked with Drew so far. He's cool.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Steven Seagal.

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
Outdoors if its cold and gray.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
No.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No.

44. Last book you read?
The Stranger, probably. Or one of those WWII memoirs.

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
No.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Bathroom.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Redwood forest.

48. Do you go to church?
No.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career, I guess, considering I don't really have one.

50. How old are you?
19.

Call the scene police.

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:45:53 GMT

Question: Should I be embarrassed of the fact that I've been listening to a lot of Weezer's Green album and wishing that I could play guitar and do vocals in an alt. rock radio pop punk band?

Answer: I don't care, its what I've been doing. Its very simple music, and I originally bought this CD in 8th grade, but you know what? I like it still. Plus, if I were to be in a pop punk band and be honest to my voice it would sound more like this than Jawbreaker, I can't sound like Blake Schwartzenbach no matter how hard I try, my chops aren't cut out for it.

Anyways, lets do this now, people. Its time to get on this shit.

Job.

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 16:42:31 GMT

I have a job. That'll change some things for the better.

Full circle.

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:11:58 GMT

I've got an interview at the Albin O. Kuhn Library today. That's UMBC's library. Clear proof that history repeats itself, if I get the job. Which I better. I need money.

Love,
Kenny

Um, survey.

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 01:58:27 GMT

1.) What's worse: A one night stand or a bad relationship?
I don't really believe in one night stands, so maybe them? A bad relationship can be a learning experience, one night stands are just whatever.

2.) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Forgetting is so much easier. Forgiving requires a degree of modesty.

3.) Can boys and girls be "just friends"?
Yes.

4.) Who took this survey before you?
KT, I can always count on that blog if I'm itching for a survey.

5.) All expenses paid vacation to where?
Iceland.

6.) On the way to the electric chair - what's your last meal?
Pizza.

7.) Do you kiss and tell?
Not too much, unless people start asking pointed questions.

8.) Where was the last place you slept (other than your bed):?
Hm, not sure. The floor somewhere probably.

9.) Is flirting cheating?
Maybe not officially cheating, but it would make me upset. Actual flirting, not clear joke flirting.

10.) Would you rather have 1 great friend or 5 pals?
One great friend.

11.) If someone called you a bitch would you be offended?
No.

12.) Are you okay with your significant other being friends with other guys/girls?
Its unavoidable. Paranoia and jealousy are my strong points, but at the end of the day I have no problems.

13.) Would you live with someone without being married to them?
Yes.

14.) Favorite sport/s?
Baseball.

15.) Would you rather shower or bathe?
Shower.

17.) Best Friend?
MOTHERFUCKING S, NO QUESTION.

18.) Do you believe in angels?
No.

19.) Have you ever flirted with someone you had no interest in?
No.

20.) Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
No.

21.) Are sloths cool?
They don't have enough ambition.

22.) Is it ever okay to ask out your ex's best friend?
Maybe? Never been in that position.

23.) Is it okay to break up with someone and regret it?
Its ok to make mistakes, I guess it just requires a level of modesty in trying to get back with her.

27.) Are you a beach, country or city person?
Country maybe? Though I wouldn't want to live far from a city.

28.) Where do you spend most of your money?
Gas stations.

29) Do you love Fall?
It would be my favorite season.

30.) Have you and your friends ever gotten a piercing at a piercing party?
No.

31.) Who was the last person you wrote a letter to?
I don't really write letters.

32.) Can you change a car tire?
Yes.

33.) Would you consider yourself adventurous?
No, I'm a fan of routine.

34.) Ever liked someone who didn't like you back?
Yes.

35.) Would you sing karaoke in front of co-workers/friends?
Friends, sure.

36.) Ever skipped school and spent the day at the beach?
No.

38.) Have you ever sat and hoped for a phone call?
Quite often.

39.) Who's most important in your life?
Kelly.

41.) Who do you think is like you the most?
Certain people have certain similarities. Bryan Channas shares a lot of my dislikes, my nerd loves (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, video games, etc.). He also has the same no-nonsense attitude that I have a lot of the time. S shares my love of buddy movies, and he's the only person I could ever be on a Team with. I think Dan approaches what makes good music in a similar way to me, even if we have different favorite bands and styles. Other than that I'm not really sure.

42.) Have you ever been confused?
Rarely, I'm incredibly intelligent.

43.) What are your plans this weekend?
Kelly.

44.) Who was the last person that called you?
My dad.

45.) Who was the last person you danced with?
I don't typically dance.

46.) Who makes you smile?
A few people.

47.) Where do you want to get married?
I don't know if I want to get married.

48.) What book are you reading right now?
Various textbooks.

49.) Future kids names?
Don't know.

50.) Did you have a good day?
Alright.

Long time.

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:49:31 GMT

Winter break is over.

I found out today that my Spanish class is unnecessary, so it has been dropped. I couldn't get anything else for my schedule but Econ101, which I have no interest in. But I'll take it over Spanish, and it frees up Friday a little (my only class on Friday is from 9am-9:50am). That is pretty cool, I guess.

I have so little money. It is stressful.

I have a feeling that drama is going to start brewing. Sometimes I'll admit that I'm lucky being at UMBC. I don't have to get involved, and I probably won't. Though sometimes I feel like I've been marginalized.

It has been ages since we've had band practice. Kris, gas has been way way tight and so I apologize. Staying in Severna Park was the easy way to not spend money I don't have, I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to get to College Park this semester but I'm trying to make it happen.

We'll see how things go.

Love,
Kenny

Year.

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 17:52:12 GMT

I've been doing my usual thing, looking back on the year, weighing how good it was versus how bad it was.

Its always a little strange, though it seems more so now. I think back on the beginning of the year and it feels like looking back on someone else's past. I feel like I'm a different person living a slightly different life. I know January and February were mostly wastes of time, I was down in the dumps for a lot of it.

I don't even think of that anymore, and I hardly even consider that part of the year. I mean, how can I even attempt to think of anything other than the fact that Kelly and I have been dating for 9 of the 12 months of the year? I guess I can't, really, because its still the thing that most consistently makes me happy.

August and September were interesting in that I let myself get a little negative about things, and I re-realized my tendencies towards paranoia, jealousy, and low self-esteem. It just takes a little while for me to realize that those feelings rarely have a substantial basis, its just sort of where my mind ends up going if I let it have free reign.

Of course, Kamikaze Noise broke up this year. It feels like it happened forever ago, but it hasn't been too long. I don't particularly regret it, as much as I want to be part of a really great band I don't want to be a second-string member, I want to feel like I contribute. I guess right now Ecco is the closest I've got to creating a really good band.

Band practices have been so god damned sporadic lately. It seems no one cares as much as I do, or at least as much as myself and Bryan do. Irritating. Although, oddly enough, the Pop Tarts have been pretty good at practicing. Two man band contest? I'd be surprised if it happens.

The story of the end of my year? No job, no money. It might happen eventually.

I guess I don't have much else to say.

Love,
Kenny

Today.

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:16:09 GMT

Moved out of my room, finally. Yesterday the room was empty except for myself all day. At 11 o'clock pm my two suitemates not Sean come back. They decide that not only do they have to watch TV until 2:30 in the morning, it has to be very loud, and it has to be Katt Williams stand-up comedy. Needless to say, I did not sleep quite as much as I would've liked last night.

I'm just saying, the TV in the next room shouldn't be so loud that I'm thinking both "I can't fall asleep" and "None of these jokes are funny."

Tonight is Team KS hangout night. Always a good night, no bullshit.

Tomorrow is last exam, show. Friday is Pop Tarts at Manhattan Beach, be there.

Winter break officially begins tomorrow morning at about 9 o'clock. I'm very much looking forward to this.

I feel like I should have more to say, but I don't.

Love,
Kenny

Bored and not studying.

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 03:36:40 GMT

Survey.

1. Have you smoked a cigarette before?
Fun story. I took one small drag out of Erik's cigarette in Indiana as a joke. Tasted like shit. I think I'll forever fail to understand the appeal, but then again that wouldn't be the only thing.

2. Have you kissed somebody this week?
Yeah.

3. Who's the last person that came to your house?
Came to my house? I don't even know, people don't typically come to my house.

4. Miss someone?
Yeah, particularly strongly. As I get closer to the end of the school year, the weeks seem to go by slower and slower. Today was hellishly long.

5. How's your ex doing?
Pretty good for herself, I'm guessing?

6. Is there someone you want to fight?
Yeah, I could fight some people.

7. How are you doing?
I get irritated really easily, my day was a repeated exercise in trying to maintain my sanity I guess. I'm hoping that tomorrow doesn't go by as slowly as I know its going to. I've got a paper to write that I haven't done, and my most difficult final at 6pm. But after that I've got nothing on Friday except waiting for Kelly to get out of school, so then I'll be in a better mood.

8. What are you doing tomorrow?
Paper, final, home.

9. Do you know what tofu is?
Yes.

10. Have you ever eaten it?
Yeah. Its alright if you don't have anything realer, I suppose.

11. Do you want to go back to junior high?
No, junior high was pretty crappy, though it is when I met Dumpy.

12. Have you ever watched the Britney Spears movie?
No.

13. What did you do yesterday?
Two classes, then I went to College Park and spent the night there.

14. Who did you ride in a car with last?
Dropping Bryan Channas off at the National Agricultural Library.

16. Who/what made you happy/smile today?
Nothing, today was crappy.

17. Where is your mother right now?
Home.

18. What color socks do you have on?
White.

19. What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Light blue. Odd.

20. Are you a sexual predator?
Not yet.

21. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
I guess if the young girls are stupid, they have it coming. Therefore, I do not care.

22. Anything bothering you?
Its a Wednesday, therefore everything that happens around me bothers me.

23. Does your family own any boats?
No.

25. Where were you when 7/7/07 happened?
Most likely in Severna Park, hanging out with people or working at Petsmart or something.

27. Have you ever been out of the US?
Yes, twice to Canada.

28. The last text you received on your mobile, and who it was from?
I don't text.

32. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
No, though I probably should.

34. What was your last decision?
To continue typing? To continue breathing?

35. Do you have any piercings or tattoos?
No.

36. Last person you hugged?
Probably Kelly, if I'm not forgetting anybody.

38. Who/What made you angry today?
The stupid idiot who decides its a great idea to play flute either outside or with his/her windows open. My suitemate who speaks louder than my TV from two rooms away.

39. Do you sing in the shower?
No.

40. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
I'm sure.

42. Have you ever bungee jumped?
Fuck no.

44. What's your one wish?
Friday comes quickly.

45. Do you find yourself loved?
Yeah.

46. What's the closest thing thats blue?
My shirt.

47. Do you like anybody?
Its a rare event.

48. Is flirting cheating?
Unless its blatantly joking, yes.

49. Have you ever flirted with someone you had no interest in?
No.

50. Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
No.

Updated.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:28:20 GMT

Important things:

1) Winter break starts in a week and two days.
2) The Poptarts are playing a show at Manhattan Beach on December 21st.
3) Ecco has a pretty much complete song with vocal parts, now all we need is a drummer.
4) Mike and I still prepping for loud and fast destruction.

Yesterday was nine months with Kelly. I feel bad because Christmas and her birthday are close together and I'm in sort of dire financial straits at the moment. I know she'll understand and everything, but I'll still feel bad when I go to get her something in January and have absolutely no money. I need a job. Minor problems though, when I think about the fact that we've been dating for nine months and I'm still as happy as I was back in April, if not more so.

I need to work on a paper today and tomorrow, its due Thursday. I've also got my World War II on Thursday. I'm going to be a little stressed out I think, but I've got Friday off, and then just a few easy (hopefully) finals Monday through Wednesday of next week.

I can't really think of anything else to say.

Love,
Kenny